


a teenage vow in a parking lot (til tonight do us part).

by vintage_misery



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, oh god i'm sorry peter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 18:05:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15868917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vintage_misery/pseuds/vintage_misery
Summary: This isn’t the worst thing to happen to Peter Kavinsky.But it's pretty close.Or: Peter and Lara Jean: before, during and after.





	a teenage vow in a parking lot (til tonight do us part).

**Author's Note:**

> I legitimately have no idea what this is because this is not what I intended to write at all. I sat down to write a funny little 5+1 about kisses and this spilled out.
> 
> So here, I guess?, have a really depressing one shot about Peter and Lara Jean's break-up.
> 
> Quotes are directly pulled from my kindle copy of "P.S. I Still Love You". Title is from "Hum Hallelujah" by Fall Out Boy.

This isn’t the worst thing to happen to Peter Kavinsky.

No, the worst thing was when he watched his dad walk out of his life and into a new one. When he watched his dad trade two sons and a wife for two sons and a wife. When Peter finally realized that he will never be good enough for his father.

But he made do and made it his goal to do his absolute best, to be the best son, the best brother, the best friend, the best boyfriend, so no one would feel like he did when his dad walked out.

So, no. This isn’t the worst thing to happen to Peter.

But it’s pretty fucking close.

\--

 _Before_ :

In retrospect, he probably should have told Lara Jean that he was friendly with Genevieve again. He knows how intimidated she is by his relationship with Gen.

But Gen makes him feel needed in a way that Lara Jean doesn’t because Covey doesn’t need him to protect her; she has sisters for that.

And as much as it pains him to admit it, he knows that she also has Josh Sanderson right next door.

Gen, on the other hand?

Gen has no one. Gen has parents who barely get along and no siblings that help shoulder the brunt of the pain.

Gen has a father who sleeps with someone who could be his daughter.

Gen also has a tendency to act out and hurt herself.

So, when Gen calls him absolutely _distraught_ , Peter leaps into action and resumes the old role of protector because even though they’ll probably never get back together, he still loves her, probably always will, and he doesn’t want her hurting herself.

Telling Lara Jean doesn’t even cross his mind.

-

(That’s not true. Every time she hears about him and Gen, she looks like she wants to cry, and Peter wants to tell her so bad. But he promised.

And Peter Kavinsky doesn’t break promises.)

\--

There is a moment in everyone’s life where they look at the world and single someone out and say:

“Yes. That is my person.”

Peter discovered his person at seventeen in the most convoluted way possible.

He doesn’t regret it.

What he regrets is not being honest with Lara Jean about her correspondence with John Ambrose McClaren.

That it _does_ bother him that she’s writing letters to a guy that she admitted to having a pretty serious crush on. That it terrifies him that she’ll leave him for McClaren.

That Lara Jean will see what his father saw and leave Peter to pick up the pieces.

They’ve broken up once already and it almost killed him to watch her walk away.

He isn’t sure he can do it again.

\--

_During:_

When Lara Jean breaks up with him, he’s pretty sure the world ends.

Peter wants to explain to her that he’s only helping Gen because he still cares about Gen in a way that someone cares about an ex, that she needed a friend.

That Lara Jean is the only person he wants.

(But he can’t.)

But instead, she presses her hands to his chest – tagging him out for a stupid game he didn’t want to play – and tells him that she wished for them not to exist.

The fake dating, the movie marathons, the long talks, the kisses, _everything_. Is just gone.

Lara Jean walks into her house and Peter is left standing on her porch, trying not to cry.

It takes him several moments before he has enough strength to get back into his car.

It takes him until he’s around the corner before he punches the steering wheel.

It takes him until he’s home before the tears come.

-

The next several weeks feel _wrong_ like he’s put together wrong and missing a limb.

A tiny dark-haired, dark-eyed, skirt-wearing romantic outlook on life - having limb.

He sees her in school all of the time and does his best to ignore her because he knows that if he opens his mouth, he’ll spill his feelings everywhere.

Peter asks for her necklace back and it feels like an out-of-body experience.

Lara Jean looks like she’s going to burst into tears.

He all but runs out of the classroom.

-

Everything comes to a head when he and Gen encounter Lara Jean and John at the retirement home.

Gen has been surprisingly pleasant since Lara Jean dumped him and hasn’t made any sort of serious attempt to get him back.

They’ve mostly been talking about her dad and what might happen if her parents get divorced.

He wonders if she realizes how much he misses Lara Jean. How much he loves her.

When they walk into Belleview, Peter sees Lara Jean, looking like she walked right out of the movies, standing next to John fucking Ambrose fucking McClaren.

Like they were on a _date_.

When Gen lunges at Lara Jean to tag her out, Lara Jean throws herself into the passenger seat of McClaren’s Mustang and they take off in a cloud of dust, unaware (or uncaringly) of his inner turmoil.

(He is so unbelievably jealous because McClaren gets all her smiles, her laughs, her romantic outlook on life.

He gets everything unapologetically Lara Jean while Peter is scrambling to hold the pieces of his heart together.)

So, he snaps.

He snaps in a way that surprises him.

-

“Have you kissed him?”

“Yes. Once.”

“So, you’re telling me I’ve been living the life of celibate person ever since we started this stupid game – before, even – meanwhile you’re fooling around with McClaren?”

“We’re broken up, Peter. Meanwhile, when we were actually _together_ , you were with Genevieve - “

“I didn’t kiss her!”

“You had your arms around her. You were _holding_ her!”

“I was _comforting_ her. God! She was crying! I told you! Did you do it to get back at me?”

 _Please Lara Jean_ , please.

“No.”

\--

Imagine this:

A boy and girl are sitting in a diner after a party, having food, when the boy asks for honesty.

Imagine this:

The girl tells the boy about her fear of letting people in and the boy talks about his dad. Because though he hates talking about his dad, the boy wants to make her feel better.

In the end, the girl makes the boy feel better.

Imagine this:

This is where it starts.

\--

_After:_

“I’ve been going crazy without you. Can’t we just -”

 “You’re saying I drive you crazy too?”

“I’m saying you drive me more crazy than any girl I’ve ever met.”

“In the contract we said we wouldn’t break each other’s hearts. What if we do it again?”

“What if we do? If we’re so guarded, it’s not going to be anything. Let’s do it fucking for real, Lara Jean. Let’s go all in. No more contract. No more safety net. You can break my heart. Do whatever you want with it.”

She places her hand on his heart and his breath catches.

She grabs his hand and places it on her heart and his world starts anew.

“You have to take good care of this, because it’s yours.”

Peter tugs her in his arms, holding on, and he feels at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Again: un-beta'd. So again: any errors - let me know.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
